I didn’t notice the signs at first. I took my 1-year-old daughter to my favorite supermarket today, and between gathering her up, carrying the canvas bags, and finding a cart with a working strap, I never saw the signs.

The first sign was in front of the bank, a regional bank with a desk at this small community market. It was literally a whiteboard sign, with the going interest rates and “we are open for business as usual” written at the bottom. What could that mean? Were they making a joke?

There were no bananas, which I found very strange. The shelf of dried fruit was badly picked over, the salad bar was closed, and around the corner I saw a completely bare shelf where the orange juice should be. Then I saw the printed sign: 25% off everything. As I looked around, the signs became obvious. There was even one right in front of me at the dried fruit.

“Are you renovating or something?” I asked a worker.

“No, we’re closing.” she answered somberly.

And then to my surprise, my eyes watered.

Was I really crying over the loss of a supermarket? Well, not really. There’s a lot more to it. Most people in America lost their local grocery stores a long time ago. If you try to buy everything locally, from independent stores, you’ll find that a few categories are now impossible.

Office supplies, for instance. Baby products. Clothing stores. It is a rare community that has a local pharmacy these days. These categories have long ago been taken over by national conglomerates, before most people noticed. Your supermarket is likely a foreign-owned regional chain at the very least.

Unlike the local general store of yore, these are not businesses. They are Wall Street revenue plays designed to funnel cash out of the town and into the pockets of global shareholders. When they land on your town, think of them as a giant vacuum hose taking away local capital and opportunity.

Everyone knows the service quality suffers when the local hardware co-op is closed to make way for a Home Depot. Who hasn’t searched the orange labyrinth for a specialized plumbing part, knowing that the guy behind the counter at the local store that closed last year could have put it in your hand in under a minute?

The ‘mom-&-pops’ can never compete with the enormous scale of global retail. And as we lose them, we lose our communities. We lose ourselves. We lose hope. The ‘little guys’ get that.

The Atlantic Supermarket in Reading, MA, got it. The people who worked there cared about what they were doing. They knew the position their store held in its community and in our nation: the last of a breed.

And after this week, they’re gone.

I stopped tolerating the nonsense that this is just about competition, that it ‘just happens’. We’re not living through a standard, run-of-the-mill economic downturn. This was done on purpose by the people who run our economy.

Until late September, when it finally became clear to everyone, with the exception of John McCain, that we were witnessing a true catastrophe, it was still okay to believe that all will be well if we just sit tight. But it’s crap. All will not be well.

Even now, most Americans probably feel that upward mobility is still possible, even as their own fortunes careen headlong in the opposite direction. Even though our own communities seem to be devastated, and half of our friends and relatives are underemployed, somewhere there must be a community that is still strong, where people are doing well. 47% voted for John McCain, and they must live somewhere.

Well, we all live somewhere. If we want to save our somewheres, we have no choice but to abandon the wild hunt for the best price. Our nation is about much more than a constant race for the latest gadget from the biggest box store. The big boxes don’t provide the best opportunities for careers and entrepreneurship. The malls are not just a blight on our landscape, but on our civilization.

Who will rebuild our Main Streets if we cannot even keep what we have?

Who failed to offer a decent automobile because of slipshod design?

Not the unions.

Who failed to do their market research to find out what customers might want in the future?

Not the unions.

Who failed to shake some hands and find out what their Japanese competitors were doing?

Not the unions.

Who failed to notice what was going on in the global fossil fuel markets?

Not the unions.

Who failed to manage their own financial structure to plan for market shifts and downturns?

Not the unions.

Who failed to lay out a plan to develop alternative propulsion systems through R&D?

Not the unions.

Who failed to act on initiatives such as universal health care that might help their business?

Not the unions.

Who failed to manage growth in a way that would allow the company to run an efficient delivery network?

Not the unions.

Who failed to communicate effectively with their dealers to gather worthwhile customer feedback?

Not the unions.

Who failed to provide a car that would last long enough for the owner to pay it off?

Not the unions.

Who failed to corner the market in innovation and quality engineering?

Not the unions.

Who failed to learn several times that foreign cars were better made and a better fit for consumers?

Not the unions.

Who failed to re-tool effectively to build more efficient cars on more flexible platforms?

Not the unions.

Who failed to sell their lots full of rattletrap junk while competition can’t keep cars in stock?

Not the unions.

Who failed to understand that the problem is not cash on hand, it is a completely exhausted consumer?

Not the unions.

Who is at fault for the bankruptcies, mergers and mass layoffs that will happen despite the bailout?

Not the unions.

Who will they blame?

The unions.

Will Americans allow the auto executives to get away with it?

Not if we fellow workers are vigilant.

Arkansas.

It is hard to imagine what’s worse than taking away equal privileges from gay people who just want to share their lives with someone. In this free nation, the beacon of hope to the world, where we finally elected a president who didn’t look just like the king we overthrew, we can still hate and oppress with the worst of ‘em.

If you’re looking for that perfect union, we’re not quite there yet. Not if you’re gay. And definitely not if you live in Arkansas.

I’m as sensitive as the next guy to the feelings of people who live in the ‘flyover’. You hate the ‘coastal elites’ looking down upon you from their ‘ivory towers’ and laughing at your ignorant backwardness. But if you are one of the 57% of Arkansans who voted to ban gay adoption, let me put down my latte and Tolstoy, remove my little round glasses, straighten my bow tie and stroke my grey beard for a minute. I have one thing to tell you:

You deserve it.

I’m hearing a lot lately about “The Consumer” and how everyone is expecting “The Consumer” to pull through this economic crisis. “The Media” clucks constantly about how the health of “The Consumer” has been weak lately, and has spent a chunk of time praying for “The Consumer” to get well. Hopefully before Christmas.

Well, it’s about time somebody showed some concern. You see, “The Consumer” is pissed.

“The Consumer” has been holding the economy together by chicken wire and duct tape for about eight years now, without much help at all from “The Investor”. “The Investor” is somebody who has mostly been hoarding his cash, while his comrade, “The Employer”, has been sitting on his hands doing very little at all.

“The Consumer” has been waiting, and waiting, and waiting, all the while spending and borrowing, in the hopes that “The Investor” and “The Employer” would start acting like their titles describe. Instead, they’ve been nothing but deadbeats. “The Media” has done nothing but talk about how great things are for “The Investor”, and now that “The Investor” is hurting, how terrible it must be for him.

“The Investor” can bite “The Consumer”, quite frankly.

“The Media” has tried to avoid suggesting that “The Consumer” might be responsible for the collapse of the economic system. He’s blamed mostly the blameless, like “The Homeowner” or “The Poor”. But he stays away from blaming “The Consumer”. Perhaps he is trying to avoid hurting “The Consumer”’s feelings. Or perhaps there is something deeper he doesn’t want to reveal.

Because if “The Consumer” ever figures out how much power he has, he might decide to wield it.

What if “The Consumer” decides that drastically cutting spending this Christmas will send tremors through the financial markets. “The Media” believes that might happen anyway because “The Consumer” is pretty tapped from holding everything together for “The Investor” for eight years. This is true, but “The Consumer” might have another motive: Revenge.

“The Consumer” might decide that payback needs to trickle up to the useless. “The Consumer” may decide that “The Investor” needs to learn what true financial pain feels like. “The Investor” is way overdue for a comeuppance, and the recent collapse might only be an appetizer for the main course to come.

“The Consumer” has little or no stake in a strong Christmas revenue season. In fact, “The Consumer” has a few billion reasons to stay home and ignore the pleas of “The Investor”, “The Employer”, and their sycophant, “The Media”. Rather than spend a dime, “The Consumer” would be better off taking a much-deserved break.

But does “The Consumer” actually feel this way? Would “The Consumer” really mean to make such a devastating threat? Will “The Consumer” actually follow through on it?

I would.

Back to my profession. Marketing. That’s all a political campaign really is. It’s a huge marketing program involving primary research, secondary research, analysis, test marketing, branding, messaging, segmenting, multi-media, triangulation, comparison, vision & mission, database management, tracking & measurement, and matching the product attributes with the appropriate audience.

When it comes to product delivery, on the other hand, not so much. That’s where political campaigns are completely unlike marketing for going concerns. Once it comes time to bring the goods, politics is already looking for the next product line to sell.

In business marketing, you go to market with the operational organization and leadership you have, not the one you wish to have or hope to have. If you have great marketing and a lousy operations department, customers will figure you out before long. A company without repeat customers and good word-of-mouth is going out of business.

And that’s exactly what’s happening to the McCain campaign.

His rolling clusterf–k is just another marketing effort for a tired brand that has failed to deliver on its core product: Job creation. Predictably, its customers are furious. You may think that party’s core product is tax cuts, but in reality, that’s only half of their time-honored “tax cuts create jobs” theme.

You can have all the tax cuts in the world. But if, at long last, you look to the far end column and do not see the jobs there, the sales job was only that, a sales job. GOP, Inc. failed to deliver the finished product.

And that’s why McCain’s campaign has seemed to throw everything at the wall lately. And it is why nothing sticks.

• It is like a car company that has crowed for years about style, speed, and safety, but has consistently rolled out hideous and sluggish deathtraps.
• It is like a restaurant chain that boasts about great food and quality service, but keeps serving cold, bland, unrecognizable goulash even your dog won’t eat.
• It’s like a bank that- well, it’s like just about any bank.

If they had a decent product that delivered anything but spiraling turmoil in all things economic, maybe it wouldn’t be so hard for them this time out. They’ve tried the “Tax Cuts…” theme, the “POW” theme, the “Straight Talk” theme, the “Maverick” theme, the “Experience” theme, the “Sarah!” theme, the “Terrorist” theme, the “Socialist” theme, the “Joe the Plumber” theme, and now the “Let’s Bash Bush” theme.

Imagine Burger King running individual ads about “Flame Broiled”, “Cheap”, “Convenient”, “Movie Tie-In”, “New Jingle”, “That Creepy King Again”, “Plastic Toy”, “Plastic Toy Recall”, “New 4-Cheese Bacon & Sausage Quadruple Burger”, “Yogurt Dessert”, “Syrupy Coffee”, “Our Charitable Giving”, and “McD’s Sucks” all within one month. You’d know they were desperate.

Smart companies pick one message and stick to it long enough to make your skull ring with it when you’re trying to sleep. Stupid companies do what McCain is doing.

Funny thing. The “Joe…” theme isn’t even all that bad (despite the real Joe being a complete phony). It screams populism, and appeals to the rugged individualist instincts that Americans are taught from birth (our skulls ring with it, you might say). I can picture McCain holding back a frown whenever he sees one of the “I’m JTP” signs. He wishes he thought of it months ago, and had he stuck with it, it dovetailed into his other themes, such as “Straight Talk”. Those were the days, weren’t they, when McCain was a human being?

Now he’s just a badly-run company with no message and lousy operational leadership, going out of business.

This is not easy to do. Lately, failed homeowners like me have been called out as frauds who are responsible for crashing the global economy. I know a lot of innocent people have been caught up in this, but not all of us can escape culpability. I have been called out, and now I have no choice but to fess up.

I did it.

You see, back when I was in business school, I got a tip. A few friends talked about an exciting, new financial instrument called a Mortgage-Backed Security. All the cool bankers were doing it. It was a package of home loans given to people who were on the cusp of homeownership, and just needed a little boost. It had low introductory rates and relaxed requirements, and banks were tossing them around like candy at a homecoming parade.

If everything turned out well for the people who got these mortgages. Say they got that promotion, their house value kept rising, and they had no major setbacks, they could pay, and reach their piece of the Big American Pie. The securities would be worth millions. If things went badly, no big deal, other mortgages would be paid. There was upside if the economy kept churning out jobs and values kept rising. And the downside? Well, never mind that.

But I was born a card-carrying cynic, and I saw the downside in full color. That’s when I created my diabolical plan to destroy the global economy.

I knew the first thing I would have to do was make everything look like an accident. I would be like everyone else, going for my own piece of the American Dream, then fail disastrously, in a way that brought others down with me. I found a wife, and threw a big wedding for 200 people. We used up some savings, and put some of the cost on credit cards, just to make it look realistic. Then we set off to buy the house I would eventually plan to lose.

The house was a cute little rowhouse - nothing too opulent, but that was before I took a hammer to it. We refinanced, added a deck and a bathroom, renovated the kitchen, and with my own two hands, I made changes that affected the floor plan. The little house was our own oasis in the middle of a bustling town. We had the white picket fence and the two trees along the driveway. Everybody, including my wife, thought I had every intention of keeping the place. That was when I kicked my evil plan into high gear.

The first thing I did was lose my job. It didn’t look like my fault, since the company went under. But I chose the company exactly because I knew it was going to collapse. They told me they were doing great, but they never realized that their lie would play right into my hands. I cut back expenses and started temping, just to keep the facade of struggle and strife.

We decided to open a business and create some jobs. I knew this sounded like the opposite of bringing global ruin, but bear with me. If the business failed, it was all part of the plan. If it grew, the disaster would be even bigger when it finally came crashing down. We got the permits, renovated a retail space, hired people, advertised, and started getting customers. We even got a gas-guzzling van for good measure. The plan was coming together nicely.

Then the winter hit, and energy costs skyrocketed. People stopped coming because they were busy trying not to freeze. I thanked my lucky stars that I was getting so much help from the oil cartels. Maybe I could pull this plan off and never get caught. Before the following year ended, we had closed the business, and were in foreclosure on the house.

I was getting away with it. We were among the first to lose everything in order to support my plan, but that was only phase one. While cable channels trumpeted “Flip This House” programs, and everybody still crowed about “GDP” and “Consumer Confidence” on the rise, I got started with a smaller car, renting a house, clipping up credit cards, and shopping locally. Boy did that throw a monkeywrench into the system.

Home Depot, Olive Garden and Target all sent me letters telling me they missed my business. Wachovia and Chase told me they wanted me back. Nothing doing, I told them, never letting them in on my secret plan. I was eating homecooked food, and I was getting spoiled.

They were teetering, and they and I knew it, even if nobody else did. My efforts to undermine Wall Street’s financial power was finally working. Companies started laying off people by the hundreds, then thousands. Oil spiked, and suddenly Consumer Confidence didn’t look so great. I watched the stock market and the job market with glee. Before long, the media noticed. They started whispering “recession”, then began to say the word as if talking at a cocktail party. Corporate sycophants kept shouting them down with diminishing effect.

Finally, the coup de grace: Somebody in actual power announced that a catastrophe was about to occur, if congress didn’t hurry up and do something that would make the situation even worse. I sat back and laughed an evil laugh straight out of a 1950s horror flick. My plan had succeeded. Singlehandedly, I demolished an economy that had grown based on regulatory control and collective effort for 70 years.

For me, it was eight long years of struggle to achieve the catastrophe that has enveloped the lives of just about everyone on Earth. While the wealthy cry over the loss of their third yacht, and the middle class lose jobs and homes, never to regain the financial footing they once enjoyed, retirees head back to Wal-Mart to wear the blue smock, and poor people all over starve and freeze, I will take solace in knowing that only my incredible power of foresight could cause this calamity, or so the radio and Fox News now tell me.

I admit it feels good to come clean and confess, even though I know I caused so much hardship for people who did not deserve it. You might ask, “Why did you do this?” Go ahead. Ask me.

Because I’m evil. That’s why.

So, for starters, we live in this shack:

On a lake:

With a boat:

And a baby:

And another baby:

We have a car:

We swing and point:

And play with blocks:

And play banjo:

Clip nails:

And dance all night:

We get neglected:

And pick apples:

And cry:

And call Touchdown!

Wait is that a Bledsoe jersey? We mean Interception!

We count:

And do hair:

And finish the blocks:

Then we mug for the cam:

Thanks for viewing!

He is perfect:

Connor Joseph Bishop - 08/18/08 8lb, 8oz

Connor is one of those incredible stories of an adoption leading to a miracle pregnancy. After years of dealing with infertility issues, we became Riley’s foster-to-adopt parents in October 2007, and this little guy was born ten months later. They will sit next to each other in homeroom.

And we hear this every day: “Oh, that also happened to my (sister/brother’s wife/cousin/friend).” Somebody ought to study this phenomenon, if it were possible.

I suppose Harvard Medical School would have to find couples seeking to adopt after suffering infertility problems to allow their deepest medical secrets to be pored over by students over a fairly long period of time. Tall order.

We’ve heard all the pseudo-medical interpretations: Adoption reduces stress, hormonal balance is better after being off treatments for awhile, etc. But we knew our own medical realities, and the physics, and the math, and there really was an extremely small chance of Connor being conceived and born as amazingly awesome as he is.

Even his sister Riley thinks so:

Look, I am as agnostic as the next guy, but I’ve read my bible. I know that the same thing happened to Abraham and Sarah. Only after they willingly adopted Ishmael could Sarah conceive Issac. So this phenomenon was apparently documented four thousand years ago. Of course, they were 100 years old at the time, so Moses was likely playing fast and loose with the facts.

But this is a disturbing question: If our family has been transformed by something not explained by current science, but is found in a religious book, does that make us ideological intelligent-design zealots? If so, where is my lustrous evangelists’ hair?

All I can tell you is: Yes, it sounds cliche, but Connor is a miracle. Riley is a miracle. Nothing that happens for the rest of our lives will ever top the existence of these two little ones.

Welcome to the planet, little guy!

What part of BIG MISTAKE don’t people understand?

They’ve got the casino craze in Maine. This November, Maine’s citizens will vote on a casino for Oxford County.

The question to appear on the ballot reads: “Do you want to allow a certain Maine company to have the only casino in Maine, to be located in Oxford County, if part of the revenue is used to fund specific state programs?” - from the Portland Press Herald, June 29, 2008.

The “Certain Maine company” is called Evergreen Mountain Enterprises, that petitioned for the ballot question, and they will be the ones to reap the profits. And some profits they’ll be. The proposed bill gives Evergreen a 10-year monopoly on gaming in Maine:

“The initiated bill provides that, other than the approved commercial race tracks in the State that operate slot machines, the gaming facility operated by Evergreen Mountain Enterprises, LLC must be the only gaming facility in the State for at least 10 years.” - from the bill itself.

The idea is that Evergreen will give 39% of its “gaming machine revenue” to the state for several earmarked programs, including 4% for researching an east-west highway through Maine, 1% for a gambling risk and counseling program, and many other earmarks for student loan assistance, water quality improvements, property tax relief and many other issues.

It all sounds good until you consider that casinos aren’t just slot machines. They make a huge part of their revenue from table games, lotteries, shows, restaurants, and hotels. Without a provision for taxes on ALL casino income, it’s a racket.

“It’s time to stop saying no to real opportunity” for economic development, said Pat LaMarche, spokeswoman for the organizer of the casino referendum. “In a free society, adults should be able to choose what they see as recreation,” she said, instead of having the state make that decision for them. - from the Portland Press Herald, June 29, 2008.

What if someone likes to shut down local businesses as recreation, Ms. LaMarche? Surely, the state might want to step in. And that’s why Maine should reject this initiative. Yes, there will be jobs, but the higher-paid workers will not be from Maine. The company will claim that they need people with gaming experience.

The businesses that spring up will also not be locally-owned. You can put all your chips on national chain restaurants, stores, and hotels, which will move in and crowd out existing businesses. It will be like building fifty Wal-Marts in one town.

And that town is expected to be Stoneham, the existing location of Evergreen Valley, once a failed ski resort and today an attractive, little-known wilderness area within a couple hours of Portland. The building and swimming pool are still there. The story of the ski resort tells exactly how destructive greed can depress a town and a region.

To add to all this, the organization’s leader, Seth Carey, had to step down due to allegations of improper law practices. That’s what happens when you’re a bad guy. Mr. Carey also sued Wal-Mart and Hannaford to allow his petitioners to get signatures on their property, and this is the result:

“We are grateful for the over 100,000 Mainers who signed our petition and helped us take the first step in this journey.” - from the Evergreen Mountain Enterprises website.

I’ll bet they are. That’s pretty close to 8% of Maine’s population, and it’s no surprise considering this:

“Help us bring a casino to Maine! Gather signatures to get the issue to the vote. Flexible schedule! Work whenever you want. Earn 50cents/signature!” - from Evergreen Mountain’s post at thejobplanet.com, posted on June 2, 2008.

So the proposal has already created jobs! Somebody might want to check those 100,000 signatures. House pets and gravestones can’t actually vote. Evergreen’s earlier petition had a nearly 25% failure rate.

For many people, the argument against gambling is one of temperance against vice. My own opposition to casinos is the economic destruction they wreak. And this will be a mistake for Maine. I’ve written about Massachusetts’ own casino debacle here.

[UPDATED 10/10/08] The Olympia Group bought a controlling stake in Evergreen Mountain Enterprises in September (link here). Olympia is a Las Vegas outfit, and the town of Oxford passed a resolution to allow the casino to blight their town and region, pending the outcome of the ballot referendum.

“This is exactly what we need,” an Evergreen spokesperson told CPN. “The west corridor is mostly for ski resorts, and this would be a four-season destination, rather than just a winter recreation destination.”

Yes, I have never seen cars on Route 26 in the summer.

[UPDATED 10/21/08]

Mohegan Sun Entrance

Disney World Entrance

Logan Airport Entrance

Evergreen Valley Entrance